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The Eastern Missouri Dodgeball Association
2009 Season

Check the Final Standings and Top 10 Poll

League Records

Announcements:

Championship Results

Ladies and Gentlemen...
Your 2009 EMDA Middle School Champions
The Wolverines!!!

Your 2009 EMDA Co-ed Champions

Team Nubs

SUNDAY SCHEDULE
9:00AM BIBLE STUDY
10:30AM CHURCH SERVICE 6:30PM SMALL GROUP LED BY TOM PAPEZ

THURSDAY SCHEDULE
6:30PM OPEN DODGEBALL PRACTICE & PLAY (THEN A BIBLE STUDY LED BY ERIC, PLEASE STAY FOR IT OUT OF RESPECT FOR OUR SYSTEM...THANKS)

Team and Division Preview

American League

AL East
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Vegas oddsmakers have most assuredly cast the rod of victory of this division to the never-ceasing franchise known as the Zumwalt Bad Boys.With their non-humble start as part of the Ft. Zumwalt North wrestling program, these nationally known players are vent on a vengeance. They feature possibly the best player in the game known as Curly Matt D. Also, the Hammer Hertel, the Lowrey Boys (the older of which plans to drive down each week from Kirksville), and the best underhanded thrower in history Jeff "Black" Beard. Top to bottom, they have the best front 6 in the game.

Hoping to challenge ZBB are a pair of teams with quite a past. Flood, led by "Dizzy" Dean & "The Comet" Eric Cokenour, have golden right arms that are sharp enough to knock a salamander off of a fence post at 30 meters. The 6th Day Creation is a host of college guys from a Crusade Bible Study chapter. The interesting note is that team captain A. James Bond was with ZBB last year, hope there is no bad blood from this former bad boy.

New Team "Dipset" is made up of a host of Holt rappers led by their fearless Blake "the Rake" Shoeninger. He and California Hawkins are so fast that they can clean up 14 acres of leaves in under an hour--this makes them hard to hit on the dodgeball court. Monsterszzz are also Holt players led by Jared "Eat Fresh" Garber who excelled last year in the MS ranks and has now put together a feisty team of his own in the Boys ranks. Our league welcomes these new amigos to our terrain, and wishes them massive success.

In 1993, Sylvester Stalone plays a rescue worker who gets stuck in a bank heist robbery plot in a movie titled Cliffhanger. The movie was good. But the dodgeball team is better. Featuring Darian "Flip" Wilson & Nate "Spidey" Turnbull, these mountain climbers have some serious athleticism on their team.

Lastly, "every rose has its thorns, and every night has its dawn, every cowboy sings a sad, sad song, every rose has its thorns," is the battle cry of the Christian praise band turned dodgeball players known as Poison. To this team, dodgeball is not just a game of easy come�easy go. And when they hit opponents, enemies feel so much pain. The wound heals, but the scar, that scar remains. Yes it does.

AL Central
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The other nationally acclaimed dodgeball team in the EMDA, the Dream Team, plays in the tough-nosed AL Central. Dream Team has a historic record of 90-9 and features 2 of the best gunslingers in the game in Jordan "Ironhead" Haworth and "Sara" Connor. Their offensive line features the best blocker in the league with a man infinitely known as "Chuck." But they are vulnerable at times, they have lost key player Randy Vance and their record does show a loss to a Middle School team back in '07.

Other major contenders include Team 9:23, named after the exact time all their team members were born roughly 17 years ago. Team captain/youth pastor Shawn Crawford has his roots in Iowa, which means the one zillion cow-chips he has thrown has prepared him for conquest.

Connor Herrick's new team, Afflicted, is set to do well also. He and Danimal Meara are both hard to get out. Afflicted will more than likely develop their defensive strategy first as they once again elongate the game by throwing only when strategically necessary.

The Raunchy Burritos are to the EMDA what the Green Bay Packers are to the NFL. They are one of the original franchises going back to their days as the Stinky Nachoz. Historically, they are a bunch of rough and tough football players and would most certainly beat any other in tug of war. Their frontline features a pair of 300 pound D1 football lineman (Kurt Kutter of Missouri State & Nick Demien of Anywhere He Wants), while the skillz will be brought to the table by other future all-stars. Can this team regain their 2005 greatness where they came one throw away from winning the whole championship?

2 newcomers to this division are the folks at After Four Photo & Team Alcatraz. AFP doesn't just offer portrait settings for wedding, maternities, and anniversaries. They also produce custom cards, college albums, and their website has the cutest baby in the world eating green birthday cake icing. But on the court, AFP makes opponents eat dodgeballs. They take their digitally enhanced aim and know how to zero in on their targets. As for Team Alcatraz, they have received special blessings to be released from the pen once a week as a form of tension release. Prison Warden James Gilmer says that the exercise "helps the inmates stop from eating the prison bars."

AL West
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A.L. WEST: The A.L. West is the toughest division in dodgeball this season and legitimately has 4 contenders that could win the entire league.

First up, is the Wu Tang Rangers (formerly Wu Tang & formerly the Dudley Boys, formerly Average Joe's). Wu Tang have the greatest short range dodger in the game in Kyle "Leprachaun" Hatchel, believe me, after 20 throws, you will know what I mean. But the rest of their teammates like John "Wilkes Booth" Harmon & Vinny "D-Von Get the Table" Dudley are smart, veteran players. In a little known fact, this 4 year franchise under different names has 78 wins, 2nd most in the league technically.

The 2008 Co-Ed champs, the Outlaws, are also in this division. But so are their split rivals, the Goodfellas. The Outlaws, led by the "Mouth of the South" Matt Hopkins (no joke here, no man plays the game louder than Hopkins) are taking their shot this year at the Boys title. With teammates Jesse James, Billy the Kid, Wyatt Earp, and Michael Vick, they are gonna get their shot. The Goodfellas, led by Andrew Altman & B.J. "Rack" Kuntz, are an intriguing team. They are both awesome players who play regularly both in the EMDA & at Skyzone. They have quietly recruited some incredible talent to their team scouts say, time will tell if they make Joe Pesci proud.

Kazouinwood has some serious talent, with athletes who are graduating & attending Kansas, Wisconsin, Mizzou, Lindenwood, and I think the University of Downtown Fargo. But these guys, with some alumni from previous teams like the 636 Boys & The Bros have come up empty in the past. The Dodging Daschunds are back again, led by current USA marine and veteran of the Iraq War Wil Hanke. Every year, this muscle bound team puts together a solid performance, sometimes great, sometimes good, but never bad. If you check the record closely, these little doggies finished in the Final Four back in '05. When asked about his chances this season, Hanke responded by stating, "We may be small dogs, and we may be behind on the scoreboard, but we cannot be defeated. We are Daschunds!" Lastly, 46 horses are made up of the Altman blood-line. They take the number 46 because that is the total number of toes added together of everyone on their team. Just kidding. It's because they can all throw baseballs at 46 mph.

Lastly, Morningstar Youth Ministries has produced some amazing youth ministry activities, and now a grand dodgeball team. Known as the Spitting Llamas, these Incan pack animals can hoof it out with the best of them. They are friendly to people, but on the court are deadly. If you are in to llama facts like Team Captain Matt Skroblus, than you know that the gestation period of a llama is eleven and half months.

National League

NL East
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We have always had a strong Middle School division in this league and that is surely the case again this year. But with only 3 Middle School teams signing up, it made scheduling difficult to say the least. So Commissioner Papez took 2 of the Co-Ed teams that do have middle school students playing on it and placed them into the same division with the 3. Yes, the league is fully aware that those teams will end up with a schedule a bit easier than others, especially in rivalry week. But it was the only fair way to do it for the sake of the league, they didn't ask for any help, they just benefit from it. But always remember, a MS team called the E-Team Rangers once won 24 games, and most of those were against Co-ed & Boys competition.

So which two teams benefit the most? We Got the Goods and the Vampires do. The EMDA welcomes WGTG, members of a fairly large family and basketball players from Ft. Zumwalt South HS. These bulldogs plan to tear up the league in the Co-Ed division and will only get better during the course of the competition. As for the Vampires, the team has some experience playing before as their first experience took place in a Timberland competition some months ago. Their overall win-loss record was something less than desired, but their explosion out of the gate was a site to see. Led by Terilee "Bob" Sauget, this team is going to experience some success, as they take a bite out of the competition.

The three MS teams include the Meteorites, the Wolverines, and the Pooper Scoopers. Though rosters are still being adjusted, the Meteorites are led by the strong arm of Ryan "Back In" Black and the speed of "The Daredevil" Derrick Reynolds. The Wolverines have the Lupfer Warriors and the "Master of Disaster" Matt Shelby. As for the Scoopers, their team is something of a mystery. The only thing we know right now is that they have come into the league to clean up.

NL Central
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To the Green Goblins, the hands down favorite to win the N.L. Central, playing dodgeball is as simple as riding a bat-shaped goblin glider through downtown New York while throwing pumpkin grenades at citizens in an attempt to thwart the efforts of a masked hero that spins a web. And with Samantha "Bad Moon" Reiser & Rachel Schultenhenrichscmidt, you better be amazing if you want to win.

But the Zingers & the Beastie Boys are not backing down. The Zingers are more than just a raspberry or vanilla filled Dolly Madison snackcake made in Dallas. They are also a vicious attack mob that always throw 2-3 balls at a time. They aim low, throw fast, and dodge quick. Ashley Lambright Airport is spearheading this invasion. As for the Beastie Boys, a team made up of mostly HS teachers featuring Kyle "Divine Wind" Lindquist & Ignatio "El Guapo" Perez, are never going to rest. To them, there's no sleep 'til Brooklynn.

Two teams that had some uncertainty as of press time is the team being produced by Haley "Pow Pow" Powell. For years this Holt slugger has created and endured some harsh moments fighting desperate battles in the pit. One time, it had been reported, that after producing a 360 degree sentan back flip, she avoided 2 opposing balls thrown by the enemy only to land on her right side still able to perform a spin-throw just nicking a member of the Extra Ordinaryz in the shin. That move is still talked about. The other team as of press time also remained nameless, but was being put together by team captain RJ Russo or some other people, they secured the last and 36th spot.

Rounding out the rest of the division is The Guys Who Killed Chuck Norris--already the most hated team in history because everybody loves Chuck Norris--except for them. These guys who never wear black, train by walking on fire, attack quickly like a Delta Force, and are going to make other teams go missing in action.

NL West
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The Co-Ed division is traditionally the toughest co-ed league in the entire nation. And back at it again for their 5th installment of trying to win the championship are the Saints. A.J. Fox, National MVP of the 2006 National Championship team called the Holy Dodgers (no joke, look it up at www.dodgeballusa.com) is back hoping that this is the year for their title reign. With superb college athletes like "Tiny" Tim Wiemers, this might just be their year.

But not if Team Nubs or Hit & Run has anything to say about it.

Last year, as everyone one knows, the Stingrays were the champions. But their members moved off to college and are our league�s latest inductees to the Hall of Fame. But Team Captain Big Ben Johnston is back, he is one of the best in the business, and his bone-breaking throws are sure to be bountiful this season. Hit & Run is a new team, youth group members from Cross Haven church just across the way. Team Captain/Youth Pastor Trey Griggs is a science guy, and has been studying ball velocity and body-mass-index charts for the last year to put his team over the top. They can hit, and run!

Maine became the 23rd state of our nation during the Missouri Compromise, it borders the Atlantic in the Northeast corner of our country, and has 50 working lighthouses. Not to shabby. It is known as the Pine Tree State, contains Moosehead Lake, has a really cool train called the Downeaster, and was founded as a French colony way back in 1604. But the dodgeballers from there aren't interested in signaling ships off the ocean, nor do they fight like the French. These fierce softball players throw hard, and hit harder. Look out.

Finally, we have the Bandits. This traditional powerhouse is back. Michael "Mister" Nanny, Doctor Kyle Procter, & Bryce "The Three" Whisman are back and pretty dog gone serious about winning some gold this year. Former team captain Josh "Mean Greene" Brandt is handing is leadership over to the guys this year as he attends a night class. During the press conference announcing his retirement, he stated, "sometimes in life, a man has to eat more than one chilidog and race track, even if they are $4 a piece." Huh?

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Weekly Game Highlights

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The Eastern Missouri Dodgeball Association
2009 Season

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Weekly Game Highlights

Check out

The Eastern Missouri Dodgeball Association 2009 Season

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Action!

The Eastern Missouri Dodgeball Association
2009 Season